Thursday, 6 October 2016

The Waiting Game

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

The waiting game begins...

I am not sure what time was it but I remembered asking a nurse at the station if there is any possibility to get a room. She was kind enough to offer me a spare labor room (these rooms are normally left under utilized - not sure why) to rest while waiting to be warded. It was probably close to 2pm because I remembered praying for Zuhur. Husband came with food and then left again for the prayer room. I had my lunch first. The husband came back. A nurse came to collect blood samples for FBC (full blood count?) and monitor my blood pressure and heart rate. Before long, I was informed that I can be warded. They asked if I am in pain and if I would like to be sent up on a wheelchair. I accepted the offer since it is a long walk up to the ward and my tummy really is at its biggest in my whole life.

Husband was asked to meet me at the ward (yup, this is how things work in Hospital Putrajaya, husbands would have to enter via another route - visitor's route up front). Once settled in, I think it is close to 4pm-ish and I remembered him excusing himself for Asr prayers already. By now I am not sure why I did not perform my prayers. Or I have forgotten I did but this is when the blurry memories started.

I only briefly remembered waking up at night probably around 8pm-ish with a sharp pain in my tummy. Probably the contractions starting already. The husband is asleep on the floor next to me because there is no extra bed there (its the twin-sharing room) and I can only squeeze his hands and moaned in pain.

Every time I did that he would record the time when the contractions came. Masa tu memang rasa macam hilang ingatan dah. Setiap kali contractions datang, rasa sakit sangat memang tak boleh fikir apa-apa melainkan mengerang kesakitan. Tapi mengenangkan bilik tu sharing jadi memang cuba sedaya upaya tak menangis kuat-kuat sebab jiran sebelah tu baru sahaja melahirkan bayi.

Officially the pain started around 10pm. More frequent. I requested some pain relief from the nurses. They checked my opening but it is still at 2cm dilated. Frustrating ok. Dah dari siang tadi dah and that is more than 12-hours my water broke. I was informed I would have to be on antibiotics just in case if there is an infection.

That night was a blur of drifting to sleep and waking up crying from the pain.

Finally at 4am the pain is really bad I had to ring for the nurse. They checked and I am already 4cm dilated which means I can be wheeled into the labor room soon. I was given enema to help me get rid of any stool. At this point the pain made me really really feel like pushing already but told not to do so else it will tear. I repeat, they specifically said IT will TEAR. Just a couple of minutes downing enema, I feel like going to the toilet. There I am doubled-up in pain and trying not to push while being able to feel "something" is coming out from down under. I cried. Yes. I cried and told the husband "please help me, sakit sangat". Those are my exact words.

Once rasa dah habis keluar apa yang patut tu I went out and saw a wheelchair ready for me. The husband asked to be excused because it is time for Subuh prayers already. Already? Where did the time go?

Once wheeled into the labor room, bergegar seluruh badan sebab sejuk dan kesakitan. I have never felt so much pain before and the fact that it comes and goes is so annoying because it is out of my control. Period pain times a hundred? Things out of my control - the least favorite of mine.

I remembered (banyak perkataan ni sekarang sebab nak recall something that has happened 2 months ago), being supported by a nurse to get up from the wheelchair dalam keadaan menggeletar and all I can do is look at her and she looked back apologetically at me. I told the nurse I would like to get the epidural injection please sebab dah tak tahan. They helped me change into the hospital gown and then settled me onto the bed hooked up with CTG and I don't know what else is there.

I probably dozed off again whenever the pain disappeared and then opened my eyes to the only window in the room. The sky is deep purple with a hint of sunrise. So that brings us forward to probably 7am-ish?

An anesthetist walked in, asked me to sit still at the edge of the bed and hug a pillow. She told me not to move a millimeter else... she didn't say else lah.

I didn't even feel any pain when she inserted the needle because the contraction is overpowering anything at that moment. She left the room with instructions that I press on the button connected to the epidural dispenser machine if I feel pain. It will only release a certain amount into my body and I can only press another dose after a certain amount of time (see how I forgot the details again there). The husband finally came in (husbands are not allowed until patient is all settled in-kot?) and again I drifted off to sleep.

Even with the epidural, you can still feel a certain pressure.

Now we wait for the arrival.

xoxo 

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Pop!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

---------------------------------

3 August 2016 (7-8am)

Mummy, rasa penat lah. After breakfast ni nak tido balik lepas tu baru kita pergi Tesco ok?

(mum agreed)

Went upstairs, draw the curtains and settled into bed.

(bunyi Harley Davidson jiran memekak awal pagi - sabar - tapi sebenarnya marah juga sebab terkejut - sambung tutup mata cuba tidur)

POP!

My eyes sprang open. I heard it. I felt "something"popped. A moment after I felt something flowing out bit by bit. This is it, I thought. I slowly got up and walked to the toilet. That "something" trickled slowly down my legs. Ah, sudah! Went to the toilet and saw murky water. Changed into pad and slowly walked downstairs.

Mummy, cik Anne rasa air ketuban pecah. :)

Ya Allah! Cepat call Reza suruh balik sekarang. Ada rasa sakit kah?

Ok. Sikda sakit (tak ada sakit). Relax mummy.

Tried dialing the husband's mobile. No answer. Tried again.

Hello Sayang, busy ke?

Eh ni bukan Reza. Reza pergi mana tah ada discussion telefon dia tinggal atas meja ni.

Oh yeke? Boleh tolong carikan Reza tak? Mintak dia telefon balik. Urgent.

Ok. Tunggu 5 minit lagi ok.

Tunggu.

His call finally came in.

Hi Sayang. Kenapa call?

Hi Bear (that is what I call him in case I never mentioned this before). Busy ke?

Tak lah. Kenapa?

I think my water broke. Can you come home?

(bunyi macam tengah tersengih)
Yeke? Are you in pain?

No. Takde rasa contraction. Come home eh.

Ok. Get ready everything lah eh.

Ok. Drive safe. See you at home. I love you.

I love you too.

Kemas barang. Good thing sebenarnya my hospital bag is properly packed like just a few days ago as I realised I was entering week 38 soon. Final stuff to pack is my towel, toiletries, disposable panties.

Took a shower and got myself ready downstairs. Was talking to mummy when I heard his car in front of the house. He came in with a salaam and smiling.

Bear nak pergi toilet dulu ke?

Yeah.

Talked to mummy lagi.

By the time we are ready to go, I salam mummy.

Ok mummy, kamek orang turun dolok ok. Mak, mintak ampun mintak maaf dosa cik Anne mak. Ampunkan cik Anne mak. Ampunkan cik Anne.

Sikpa. Mak memang ampunkan.

ya Allah. Perasaan time tu. Memang sedih. Saya menangis sedikit. Saya akan pergi berjuang bertarung nyawa untuk melahirkan zuriat buat suami saya. Betapa besarnya perjuangan itu dan betapa takutnya diri saya. Beberapa malam yang lalu ada terlintas di fikiran, will I survive the labor? Will I die giving birth? ya Allah, panjangkanlah umurku agar aku dapat menjaga suamiku, kedua orang tua ku dan anak-anakku. Sihatkanlah tubuh badanku. Ampunilah dosaku.

All bags in the car and off we go. Hospital Putrajaya is only 10 minutes away. The weather was fine. Cool Wednesday morning. Texted the husband's family in group Whatsapp and told them water broke and we are on our way to the hospital.

Reached the hospital at 9am-ish. Labor emergency entrance is located uphill - separated from the usual Admissions & Emergency below. Checked myself in at the counter. Informed the nurse my water broke at approximately 8am, no pain, still feel the flow. I was registered, handed over my "pink book" (the prenatal checkup book) and was called into the triage. Husbands are not allowed in this area so the husband waited outside with my bag.

Nurse asked for my urine sample - normal. Asked to lie down on the bed and hooked up to the CTG. Nurse asked if I am in pain - I said no. She said there are contraction spikes on the graph though. Another nurse came in to check my temperature and blood pressure. All ok.

Waited for a bit and I can still feel the flow.

Another nurse/doctor (I am not sure), came in and checked for opening. 2cm dilated. Was told the labor ward is full today so once I am done with the CTG monitoring, I will be asked to wait outside before I can be checked into the ward.

Walked out and sat with the husband. We took a couple of photos as a reminder that would be the last time we will be just the two of us. Tapi ambil gambar "wefie" sahaja sebab segan nak suruh pak guard luar Labor Ward entrance tu untuk tolong ambilkan. Haha.

We sat in silence at the waiting area. 10am, once in a while ada juga rasa cramping sikit. But still bearable. Asked the husband to buy some food (nasi lemak and some bread and drinks) from the cafetaria.

The waiting game begins.

xoxo

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

25w

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Alhamdulillah...

cepat je masa berlalu kan? Rupanya dah 4 minggu tak update blog sebab finally kami decide nak furnishkan hall tingkat atas ni untuk jadi mini office. Makanya tunggulah order cabinet dari Groupon and then assemble sendiri. Murah je. Around RM290 including shipping.

Nak assemble pun senang sebab saya dan dan husband memang suka assemble2 furniture. Seronok dapat gurau2 dan buat activity out of the ordinary.

So, minggu ni tak scan lagi. Nak tunggu lagi sikitla sebab bulan lepas scan 11/4, walaupun dah 4 weeks but ok je kalau scan lambat lagi sikit nak genapkan 11hb tu jugak.

Last weekend pun kami busy sangat. Dengan the usual Saturday morning temankan husband pergi main basketball di PJ, lepas tu terus kami pergi KLCC nak visit Homedec 2016. Cadangnya nak review harga water heater, ceiling fan dan office chair. Rupa-rupanya harga online jauh lagi murah. Nak kira installation fee pun takkan sampai harga di expo tu sebab jiran tetangga sini banyak contacts untuk electrician, plumber etc. Makanya kami sakitkan sahaja kaki ni untuk pusing satu Homedec cuci-cuci mata. Antara yang menarik lagi ialah 3D wall panel untuk gantikan styling pakai wallpaper. Tapi mahalla jugak sebab bila kira nak letak satu dinding (backwall master bedroom berukuran 10' in height dan 12' in length), boleh cecah RM1k++. Hehe, So saya cakapla pakai Memento paint jugak murah. Boleh je buat sendiri Memento tu asalkan ikut tutorial dan bersabar banyak2.

Memandangkan dah kat KLCC tu, kami menyempat la jugak pergi makan di foodcourt, tempat saya makan time kerja dulu. Memang minat dengan mee wantan di situ. Sebab it reminds me of mee kolok back in Sarawak. A few weeks ago pun adala visit restoran Dapur Sarawak di Jalan Ipoh, order mee kolok tapi semestiinya benchmark saya sangatla tinggi tetapi tak lah sampai mengecewakan sangat.. Takpelah, cukup untuk lepaskan keinginan. Husband pulak order laksa sarawak. Sedap katanya tapi tak setanding yang kami pernah makan di Kota Kinabalu dulu (haha! yang di Miri pun dia cakap tak umph macam yang di KK tu).

Sunday pulak kami ke baby expo di PICC. Yang ni kami sanggup pergi sebab dekat dengan rumah dan confirm tak ramai orang. Same concept, kami dah sediakan list harga online dan ruang kosong untuk list harga di expo.

So far kami cuma survey harga diapers, wipes, bottles, dan breastpump je.

Sampai je expo tu, staff Enfagrow bagi sample susu ibu mengandung dan menyusu, mak ai manisnya. Rupanya sukatan dia 6 scoop. Fuh! Sekarang minum Anmum materna je, sukatan recommended ialah 4 scoop tapi saya ambil 2 scoop sahaja dan minum waktu siang atas arahan doktor. Sebab family ada history diabetes jadi mesti ambil langkah berjaga-jaga.

Lepastu nampak booth Guardian, ada offer Mamypoko, newborn 90pcs for RM58. Cumanya dia ada tinggal satu pack je. Mamypoko ni friends cakap memang sangat bagus tapi sangat mahal. So kami nak test dulu other brands (daripada samples yang kawan bagi) untuk uji sensitivity kulit baby ni nanti before we decided on a brand. Lagipun newborn tak payah beli banyak kot sebab nanti confirm cepat membesar sebab cadang nak fully breastfeed, insyaAllah.

Booth di dalam adala early education (suami gelak2 cakap takpe wife saya boleh ajar sendiri homeschool saja), ada booth baju murah rompers RM5 yang sangat comel tapi tengah ramai ibu2 yang serang booth tu, ada booth stroller canggih yang boleh jadi carseat, stroller, carrier at the price of RM18xx. The idea is good tapi kalo setiap kali nak bukak pasang memang tak elok la sebab kami rasa car seat baby mesti fixed kat kereta je. So our hunt for a light and easy to fold stroller continue.

Then, ada la jumpa bottle Tommee Tippee yang saya memang nak. Belek2 lagi, dia ada offer untuk set packaging steriliser, warmer, travel storagex2, 5oz bottlex1, 9oz bottlex3, sucker and brush at the price of RM529. Jadi kami cuba banding dengan individual loose price di Lazada dan 11Street. Total loose price pun still mahal dari packaging tu jadi kami terus rembat aja.

Mulanya nak pakai hand pump tapi husband cakap yes memangla duduk rumah but it is good ada electric pump supaya tangan boleh free buat keje lain and tak cepat penat. Baiklah. Saya tak kisah cuma risaukan kos untuk electric pump yang bukan murah. Tapi kalau suami nak belanja, apa salahnya kan? :)

Other stuff mostly kawan kami nak serahkan je barang2 dia sebab diorang tak plan nak tambah rakyat. Haha! Sampai car seat pun dia nak bagi sebab baby dia besar. Lahir haritu pun dah 3.67kg. Normal birth ok! Murah rezeki baby ni. Dalam perut dah ada orang nak sedekah. Kawan sorang lagi pun cakap jangan beli bath tub sebab dia nak belikan sekali dengan baby rest untuk letak dalam bathtub tu supaya tak lenguh tangan nak support. Tinggal siram aja baby. :)

Syukur alhamdulillah.

------------

Simptom beberapa minggu ni tak ada yang obvious sangat selain daripada baby makin hari makin kuat menendang. Kadang2 senak juga dibuatnya. Kaki adalah penat sikit rasa semut2 tapi cepat2 naikkan dan rehat atas sofa bila benda ni jadi.

Kerja rumah pulak makin perlahan nak buat. Satu hari vacuum. Lepastu rehat. Esok lusa baru nak mop tapi mop macam dah lama tak buat. These few days baru la ada hujan petang/malam, adalah sejuk sikit dan bolehlah bersihkan rumah tanpa banjir peluh.

-----------

So kiranya post kalini ceritanya, siapa2 yang tengah budget nak buat persiapan sambut baby tu, rasanya budget yang sangat2 penting ialah:

1. Bottles+breastpump
2. Stroller/carseat/carrier/wrap
3. Set berpantang
4. Baby crib

Yang ni antara item yang mahal dan perlu simpanan lebih.

Item 2,3.4 diatas maybe next time kita boleh share ye lepas buat research lain.

(oh, dulu pernah janji nak diskusi tentang ICSI kan? Since tak jadi ICSI/IVF ni sebab kami berjaya conceive naturally, mungkin boleh lawat blog doktor saya dradilah.blogspot.com untuk maklumat lanjut tentang isu2 kesuburan)

Till later,

xoxo 

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

20w

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Just a few days ago kami dikejutkan dengan berita seorang rakan yang going through miscarriage at 15w of pregnancy. The news hit us hard and we actually cried. Bagi sesiapa yang pernah melalui miscarriages je faham perasaan tu. The wait for blood tests, the confirmation and reconfirmation through ultrasounds. Finally it came to the day when you have to decide method nak remove baby from the womb.

Husband teared up, lama jugak, because it is one of his bestfriend. Diorang baru kahwin tahun lepas. Kami jadi pengapit (rasanya ada cerita tu di SINI)

Lama jugak kami pause the show that we were watching on tv just to get through the emotional flood tu. Aku message the guy sebab takde number wife dia. I found out about the news pun sebab diorang share kat group whatsapp geng diorang (yang aku dah quit - maybe tak payah lah tahu kenapa kan?).

Esoknya diorang baru nak jumpa dengan doctor and since dah dua kali ultrasound, dah confirmed dah heartbeat dah takde. Latest news I got from them is the wife's instagram photo of them holding hands.

I hope they will go through this phase and come out stronger than ever. Kami tahu bukan senang. It took me awhile jugak nak recover dulu. It took me a week just to let reality sink in and then I don't know how many more months of endless crying and breakdown episodes. Semoga Allah memberikan kekuatan kepada mereka berdua.

Sedihnya sebab patutnya kami akan bersalin selang seminggu je.

-----------------

So, this week dah 20th week. Baby menendang dengan cemerlang. Always ever so strong after food, cold water or just before bed.

Semalam time baby active tendang after dinner, I decided to pull husband's hand and place his palm on my tummy. Tak lama lepas tu baby tendang and he got excited. Dia senyum and macam signal "was that it?", aku angguk je and kitorang tak berani bersuara pun tapi senyum-senyum je tunggu next kick. Takde plak.

Husband flu lagi semalam. On MC. Kesian jugak dia. He told me his records always show MCs at the beginning of the year for the past 1-2 years. I told him my guess is the weather lah kot kan when it is so so hot.

Sekarang ni symptom paling tak best ialah heartburn dan sesak nafas. Baby makin besar dah. Bila sapu minyak kelapa di perut tu aku belek jugak get ready nak jumpa stretch marks. Alhamdulillah belum ada lagi. Maybe I should start measuring my tummy kan? Sekarang dah besar dah, macam frust pulak bila banyak seluar dah tak muat. I need to clear my wardrobe I think.

And yang paling mengecewakan sekarang ialah bila tengok collection RTW baju raya online yang cantik from this one seller yang aku sangat suka. I dont think I can fit into his clothes lah this raya. Been trying to find a matchy-matchy pair for us both. Adala jumpa semalam yang paling murah a pair at RM170. Cantik jugak. Will probably try to whatsapp the seller and ask for sizes.

So, thing is, what size should I buy considering I'll be a bulging 8 months pregnant mother during raya? :O

xoxo

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

19w

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

As I was watching Downton Abbey earlier, I felt baby moving. But this time, there was a bulge on my bump. It appeared as soon as it disappeared. I was shocked! :D

The weather has been unbearable lately. It rained for a bit in the afternoon (which I am very grateful for) but after 5pm it is all sunshine again.

Vacuumed the hall today, folded the laundry and that is my limit already. I used to be able to do full swing housecleaning in a day, including mopping. Not anymore I guess.

Baby will make his/her presence known. A kick to remind mama to stop and continue watching Downton Abbey.

I am already at Season 6 on the final few episodes I am afraid. Guess I will have series withdrawal when I am done with Downton Abbey.

Tried new series like Call the Midwife, Upstairs Downstairs (2010), Doctor Who - they're just not the same. Guess I will have to keep searching.

Husband is currently trying to catch up with his Walking Dead episodes. Least of my favorite, really, but still interesting to pick my curiosity on what is going to happen next.

Did I tell you I sweat alot these days?

Sighs.

xoxo

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

17032016 what could have been

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

17 March 2015

what could or have been, the day that we celebrate the arrival of a new member in our family.

it was my estimated due date of birth for our very first child, if he/she had survived the pregnancy in 2014.

So this year, on this day, it could have been a birthday party thrown to celebrate his/her first birthday.

Tak tahu kenapa tiba-tiba teringat. Tapi tak apa lah. Bukan rezeki kami. I am sure Allah has His plans laid out perfectly for us.

Sekarang, I am carrying precious cargo in me. :)

I need to take care of myself.

I am looking forward to the day when he/she arrives. Husband pun selalu cakap macam tu bila dia cakap dengan baby.

Kami doakan ini rezeki kami. Tapi kita hanya mampu merancang kan?

xoxo

Tuesday, 15 March 2016

18w1D

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Alhamdulillah. Dah lama tak blogging, tengok-tengok dah sampai week 18 rupanya ye? :D

Last Friday dah pergi check up lagi after a month. Pilih klinik biasa je dekat dengan housing area kami. The one before this memang ramai sangat orang dan klinik pun macam shabby semacam. Doktor pun macam rushing sangat nak explain pasal ultrasound images.

So this time decide pergi Klinik Sofea Putra Perdana. Cantik klinik dia. Bersih. Masa masuk nak daftar tu, kaunter tak ada orang. Bila panggil, keluarla this lady yang macam tengah makan malam. Huhu. Apologized and commented "staff pergi pasar malam ye? (sebab ada pasar malam every Friday di deretan kedai sebelah je)". Dia pun mengiyakan je.

Lepas daftar tu, terus masuk sebab tak ada patient lain. Then the lady took her place behind the desk. Ahahaha! Rupanya lady tu ialah doktornya. Tergelak kejap. She took my blood pressure, normal at 100/60. That's considered normal for my size tau (152cm/44kg).

Then pergi timbang berat badan kat bilik sebelah, naik sekilo je jadi 45kg. I asked if kene naik berat badan lagi tak sebab ni pun macam baru recover berat badan yang hilang lepas admitted hospital haritu. Tapi... doktor cakap jangan! Like seriously cakap jangan-jangan. Dia cakap for your size that's already a good progress of 1-2kg per month. Kang baby besar sangat sapa juga susah nak meneran kan? Haha!

We started off generally cari baby, senang je sebab dia macam dah besar jugak, then doctor turn on doppler bagi dengar heartbeat dia, 147beats/minute. That's good. Then ukur lilit kepala dia, body length, lepas tu tengok tulang paha dia (surprisingly memang dan nampak putih sebab dan dense kan?). All in all baby is growing at a healthy rate for his/her age. Banyak doktor explain. Tunjuk placenta (location belah kiri bawah sikit) but no concern for previa sebab nanti bila rahim membesar lagi confirm placenta akan tertarik dan memanjang ke atas. Amniotic liquid pun ok, tak banyak sangat dan tak sikit sangat. (ops! terasa baby kick sikit bila type ni :D)

Lastly husband macam malu-malu tanya, tak nampak ke boy or girl? Doktor gelak lagi (best la doktor ni), dia cakap belum lagi dik oi, maybe next month boleh.

Time ultrasound tu baby lambai-lambai ok, nampak kat monitor dia. Papa dia happy je tengok. Last check-up husband tak ikut plak sebab buat hari bekerja. Lepas ni kitorang set dah akan pergi almost weekend/weekend je and husband akan ikut sama untuk tengok progress baby.

Doctor ambik blood sample sekali untuk check HB. They called on Tuesday (very fast turnaround time), telling me sihat at 11.2. Yeay! Kalau ada case HB rendah kne ambik extra iron and I heard taste ubat iron ni sangat tak best. Phewh!

Supplement doctor suruh maintain je multivitamin biasa and folic acid kalau takleh makan obimin. My only issue with obimin is akan rasa loya (probably sebab iron content dia tinggi). Dr. Adilah ada suggest brand lain tapi tak tercari lagi. Dr. Liyana ni cakap its ok as long as your diet is good and you top up jugak dengan multivitamins lagi.

Oh! Haritu 29 February 2016, malam lepas dinner macam biasa lah kami tengok tv series kan (senang betul dah ada android box ni, dah tak layan astro langsung kecuali sports channel sebab streaming selalu quality tak elok for live matches). Letakla tangan kat perut kan sebab kenyang. Tiba-tiba, rasa macam nudge kat bahagian abdomen bawah belah kanan. Terkejut dan terjerit sikit. Husband pun pause tv tanya kenapa sakit ke? I said baby kicked. Terkedu kejap dan we were teary eyed. Oh! How fast you've grown baby. The days after that sampai lah harini memang active baby ni nudge and kick.

Bagitau Dr. Liyana last week baby dah kick (ada rasa quickening) tu, dia cakap eh cepatnya, normally people can only feel 20 weeks + or 5 month above, probably perut kecik dan kulit nipis kot takde lemak. But it was the best sensation. Malam sebelum tidur dia akan gerak, siang bangun pagi dia akan kejutkan, time tengok tv series dengan mama tengahari kadang dia kacau lagi.

Pergerakan paling banyak yang boleh rasa dengan tangan ialah semalam lepas makan nasi dan ayam masak lemak cili api untuk minum petang. Kelas kau, minum petang makan nasi ngan lauk. Haha!

Truth is sekarang ni memang masih catu makanan sebab kalau makan banyak sangat in one go confirm muntah balik. So far dah...almost berapa hari eh tak muntah. Syukur alhamdulillah. Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Nanti ada update kita poret lagi ye?

Sekarang macam panic bila kawan-kawan tanya dah beli this/that belum?

Sebab.... belum beli apa pun lagi. We still have time... I think. :D

xoxo

Monday, 15 February 2016

14w - Prosedur Buka Kad Merah / Pink

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim..

Okay, dalam dua post lepas dah share sikit kan plan nak buka buku merah / pink ni.

Baru dapat tahu daripada jiran, sekarang klinik swasta pun dah boleh buka buku pink ni dan tak perlu menunggu lama di klinik kesihatan ibu dan anak (KK) lagi. Serik juga ketika mengandung dulu (anak pertama kami yang keguguran), terpaksa tunggu lama dengan keadaan klinik yang agak uzur, terpencil, dan pengghawa dingin ala kadar menambahkan kegelisahan para ibu (dan bapa dan anak-anak) di sana.

Isnin
- ambil keputusan untuk buka buku pink di Klinik Suraya Putra Perdana
- nampaknya ramai ibu mengandung pun follow-up di klinik ni
- ramai juga walaupun baru pukul 10 pagi
- doktor ambil tekanan darah, dengar degupan jantung, buat ultrasound dan ujian air kencing
- doktor Suraya sendiri yang jalankan pemeriksaan
- kenapa dengar degupan jantung? sebab aku ada medical history of Rheumatic Fever
- dulu ketika check-up di KK, doktor di sana pernah sediakan surat rujukan ke jabatan kardiologi Hospital Serdang untuk pemeriksaan lanjut
- tak sempat pun dapatkan tarikh pemeriksaan, kandungan kami dah gugur pada minggu ke-12 kehamilan
- I raised this issue but doctor said we will keep an eye on you
- next appointment bulan depan nak raise lagi sebab when I left the clinic doctor takde pun bagi surat rujukan baru
- sibuk sangat kot

Beza prosedur KK dan Klinik Swasta
- KK akan minta salinan sijil nikah, salinan kad pengnalan suami dan isteri, dan salinan bil letrik/air untuk pengesahan alamat (pembahagian penduduk kawasan dan jurisdiction kawasan liputan kk tersebut) ketika pendaftaran (datang awal sebab ramai...!! Rasanya kali terakhir pergi, pendaftaran cuma boleh dilakukan pada hari Isnin hingga Khamis, dan Jumaat adalah by appointment only - KK Pulau Meranti, Puchong)
- klinik swasta (yang aku pergi ni) tak mintak apa-apa dokumen pun kecuali kad pengenalan semasa pendaftaran

Ultrasound
- alhamdulillah, baru masuk 14wks, measurement baby pun ok
- heartbeat observed (walaupun tak pasang doppler)
- doktor tunjuk plasenta mana, tangan, kaki, kepala, tulang belakang
- ukuran bayi 8cm minggu ni! :D
- teruja tengok bila nampak profil rupa bentuk dan raut muka baby dalam perut ni
- kesian juga husband tak dapat nak cuti untuk tengok scam (katanya belum dapat cuti lagi sampaila ada orang boleh back up sikit kerja dia di office), dan harap-harap untuk scan 3D nanti dia boleh cuti
- tapi...doktor cuma print gambar ultrasound imej belakang bayi je. hampa, kalau imej satu lagi tu nampak full kepala badan kaki dan tangan bayi

Lelaki atau perempuan?
- semalam ada borak dengan suami, tanya dia expect baby girl or boy? Dia cakap baby girl sebab kalau mimpi mesti mimpi baby girl. Aku pulak selalu jugak mimpi baby girl tapi aku mengharapkan baby boy
- apa-apapun kami bersyukur dengan kurniaan Allah subhanuwata'la

Kebakaran
- yes, kecil, dirumah kami
- hari ni tadi sibuk ke balai bomba untuk dapatkan laporan
- apa yang terjadi?

kita tunggu post seterusnya lah eh?

jengg jengg..

Allah Maha Besar
Lindungilah kami daripada malapetaka

xoxo

Sunday, 14 February 2016

TTC Journey

Our TTC Journey Chronology:

27/6/2014 - Prescribed Clomid 50 mg x 2 / day for 5 days
10/7/2014 - Day 31 - Spotting observed
13/7/2014 - Day 34 - HPT Positive
14/7/2014 - Day 35 - HPT Positive
31/8/2014 - Day 83 - Spotting - Threatened miscarriage
6/9/2014 - Day88 / Day 1 - Miscarriage (admitted to PHKL)
9/10/2014 - Day 34 - Bleeding stopped

22/10/2014 - Day 1 - Period
8/11/2014 - Day 18 - Period stopped
16/11/2014 - Day 1 - Period
22/11/2014 - Day 7 - Period stopped
11/12/2014 - Day 1 - Period
16/12/2014 - Day 6 - Period stopped

5/1/2015 - Day 1 - Period
11/1/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped
31/1/2015 - Day 1 - Period
6/2/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped
28/2/2015 - Day 1 - Period
6/3/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped

31/3/2015 - Day 1 - Period
2/4/2015 - Day 3 - Clomid 50mg x 2/day for 5 days
13/4/2015 - Day 14 - OPK - Positive
14/4/2015 - Day 15 - OPK - Positive
15/4/2015 - Day 16 - OPK - Negative
15/4/2015 - Day 17 - Appointment with Dr. Adilah (banyak sangat follicles)
24/4/2015 - Day 25 - bHCG Negative.

30/4/2015 - Day 1 - Period
2/5/2015 - Day 3 - Clomid 50mg x 1/day for 5 days
6/5/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped
14/5/2015 - Day 15 - IUI
27/5/2015 - Day 28 - bHCG Negative

29/5/2015 - Day 1 - Period
4/6/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped

24/6/2015 - Day 1 - Period
30/6/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped

23/7/2015 - Day 1 - Period
29/7/2015 - Day 7 - Period stopped

18/8/2015 - Day 1 - Period

26/10/2015 - Day 13 -

 - Appointment with Dr. Adilah (ET ok at 7.8cm, follicle abnormal and far from hatching area).
 - Follicle a little abnormal, ada macam kaki yang mengunjur masuk
 - Vitamin D is lower than previous month.
 - Toxoplasmosis antibody is negative
 - Asked to go for HSG again, to call on next D1 at Hospital Tawakkal, Jalan Ipoh, Dr. Fatimah
 - Preparation for HSG, please take one antibiotic the day before, on the day of HSG and one tablet a day after HSG.

 - Continue Vitamin D 2000IUx2 a day for one month, come for blood test on Tues/Fri. Please call for result two working days after.

January menses

Start consume Clomid on D3 to D8 for January cycle. (one tablet per day for five days)
Call Nurse Salina for appt on D11/D12 in January 2016.

--------

20/11/2015 - Day 10 -
 - Appointment with Dr. Fatimah at Hospital Tawakkal Jalan Ipoh for HSG.
 - Result showed no changes/abnormalities since the last HSG in 2014.

-------

Awaiting trip for umrah, period is late for two days with signs of fatigue, bloated, gassy, slight cravinggs and queasiness.

11/12/20f15 - Day 31f

- decided to HPTf durinfg subuh after peeing episode at night. Bangun untuk subuh and its a Friday. Husband is praying and preparing to go to work.

HPT BFP!! finally syukur alhamdulillah. :)

Whatsapp Dr. Adilah and she called me into her office that morning itself. Scan showed gestation at 5weeks. Sac is spotted within womb and cervix is closed up. Doctor advised on vitamins and meds to take and set the next appointment at 8w on 5 Jan 2016. ff


13w5d

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim...

Alhamdulillah we're almost reaching the first base which marks the end of first trimester. Woohoo!

Symptoms dah subside but I still have vomiting episodes yang dalam kawalan (masih sempat lari ke sinki dapur/tandas) untuk muntah.

Fatigue dah slowly hilang juga bila semalam lepas nap dari pukul 9malam sampai 11malam (bangun sebab lapar dan melahap burger sebiji), lepas tu terus tak nak tido sampaila pukul 4.30 pagi. Tak pasti lah disebabkan oleh pepsi yang aku minum atau memang baby ni tak nak tido. Pagi pukul 8.30 dah segar balik. Macam tak cukup tidur tapi macam ok je. Syukur.

Dull pain/cramp dapat dirasai di bahagian abdomen kiri (belah pinggang). Dua hari jugak dah tapi tak lah sakit sangat. Cuma macam lenguh. Round ligament pain pun dah terasa bila selalu terbangun pukul 4.30 pagi dan rasa isi abdomen ni macam ditarik-tarik. Kadang-kadang aku bercakap juga dengan baby, "please baby tolong mama, grow slowly but steadily, we have plenty of time, tak mahu sakit-sakit macam ni ok? kesian mama kan?". Strange enough lepas tu ada rasa lega lah jugak dan boleh sambung tido.

Sekarang issue nak buka buku merah dan daftar ke Hospital Putrajaya Full Payment Patient. Jadi nak kongsi lah sikit tips yang jiran kongsi pada aku.

Memanglah kalau bersalin dia hospital swasta terbaik, tetapi, kalau ada komplikasi, anda akan dirujuk kepada hospital kerajaan dimana kelengkapan semuanya mencukupi. Jadi, penting untuk kita daftar buku merah. Tanpa buku merah ni, nanti hospital kerajaan tak akan terima kes kita. Awalnya plan memang nak bersalin di hospital swasta kegemaran aku. Tapi memandangkan kos agak tinggi dan lokasi hospital tu jauh (tak nak ter beranak atas MEX), dan atas nasihat doktor Adilah, kami pun bercadang nak bersalin di Hospital Putrajaya sahaja. Mudahan dapatla Dr. Hamidah tu ye sebab memang nak bersalin dengan doktor wanita Islam sahaja.

Jadi, buku merah ni boleh didaftarkan di mana-mana klinik yang melakukan pemeriksaan untuk ibu dan anak. Bila dah dapat estimated due date (EDD), dan sudah menjalani ujian saringan ibu mengandung (nanti update senarai ujian), bolehlah telefon FPP Hospital Putrajaya dan inform EDD dan buat temujanji dengan doktor sakit puan pilihan anda. Jiran cakap, Hospital Putrajaya akan set tarikh bulan ke 7 untuk jumpa sekali dan lepas tu jumpa lagi bila dah nak bersalin. Pemeriksaan asas lain (bulanan, mingguan) boleh dibuat di klinik swasta serendah RM70 sahaja setiap lawatan (nanti update juga apa yang diperiksa selain ultrasound).

.....

Esoknya plan nak pergi klinik lah sebab sekarang dah lebih bertenaga. :) semoga urusan dipermudahkan.

Sekarang ni bila dah ada tenaga, macam tak boleh duduk diam sebab kalau duduk diam rasa gelisah semacam. Kakak aku cakap tu kadang-kadang gangguan. Doakan kami dilindungi daripada semua tu lah ye.

Baru-baru ni pun jiran ada cerita seram jugak lepas dia pergi berubat dengan ustaz. Aku malas nak join conversation macam tu. Sebab aku yakin, Allah akan lindungi kami sentiasa. Aku mesti kuat. Awal mengandung haritu asal masuk waktu Asar/Maghrib je aku berperangai sampai nangis. Allahuakbar. Bila suami sentuh perut dan berdoa barulah tenang. Lindungilah kami ya Allah daripada sebarang musibah.

Hmm... tak cerita lagi kan pasal trip kami ke umrah haritu? Nanti aku curi masa memandangkan jari dan badan ni dah mula tak reti duduk diam.

Doakan juga kandungan ni sihat dan morning (all-day) sickness ni berakhir secepat mungkin.

amin.

Allahuakbar!

Thursday, 28 January 2016

11w3d

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

aha..
jangan tak tahu
10w4d haritu serah diri kat klinik sebab dehydrated, doc masukkan air garam satu pint. Baru ok.
semalam baru discharge daripada hospital
kenapa?
sebab gastric melampau, muntah ada spot darah, berat badan turun, muntah yang ekstrim lebih daripada exorcist, tak lalu makan dan dehydrated.

Condition tu dipanggil... Hyperemesis Gravidarum atau singkatannya HG.
Antara ikon terkenal yang pernah mengalami kondisi sama ialah Kate Middleton. For both of her pregnancy kot kalau tak silap.

Jadinya tidurlah di hospital 2 malam. IV masuk air garam 5 pint, ubat tahan muntah, ubat gastric dan menu hospital yang sihat. Syukur alhamdulillah sembuh juga. Finally after so long aku dapat makan dan tak jadi Emily Rose lepas tu.

Lepas discharge semalam, petang tu ada lah jugak rasa tak selesa kejap. Malam pun rasa tak berapa sihat sebab aku tak makan sangat kat rumah. Silap. Bila perut lapar lah makin teruk rasa loya dan nak muntah tu.

Minggu 11 ni simptom baru.

Sakit kepala yang teramat. Rasa macam panas je kepala ni. Husband picit sambil baca doa. Baru dapat tidur. Kesian dia. Sabar sungguh melayan isteri yang manja ni.

Scan week 11 ni bila sukat baby, dia dah membesar as 12 weeks. Orang panggil gestation 12 weeks. Seronok juga. Time Dr. A scan dia tido elok je. Gerak sikit je tapi heartbeat kuat sungguh. Mama dia la macam kain buruk sakit huru hara.

Doc suruh datang balik nanti bila free, so aku set week 16 lah kot. Nak balik berehat dulu.

Apparently GH ni tak di cover oleh insurance ye rakan-rakan. Apparently, insurance tak cover anything related to condition during pregnancy. Total bill during the stay was RM2k. But I recovered so money is nothing as compared to risking my life and the kid's life.

Mama dah nak balik dah Sabtu ni sebab minggu depan majlis bertunang adik. Sedihnya, bila dah nak sihat nak manja dengan mama, tapi dia dah nak balik. :( takpelah. Nanti time berpantang je lah manja lagi. Tahun ni tak sempat balik raya kot sebab dah 8 months dah time raya tu. :( :( :(

Maybe parents boleh beraya sini instead? :D

-------

Sebenarnya ada cerita / teladan yang aku nak sampaikan ketika menunggu doktor di ruangan emergency.

Time aku sampai tu adalah satu lagi kereta yang sampai dengan sorang wanita dan nenek. Nenek tu atas wheelchair dan complain dia sakit, dia terseksa. Lepas nurse triage assess dia dulu sebab macam kronik sangat je, she got wheeled in.

Lepas tu turn aku. Aku dapat zon orange jugak sebab blood pressure dah menurun sebab aku tak makan. Dapatla katil sebelah nenek tu.

Dipendekkan cerita, nenek tu rupanya nyanyuk. Doktor dah datang dan ubat pun dah bagi, boleh dia tanya anak dia lagi doktor takkan datang ke? Kenapa lama sangat? Menangis aku mengenangkan nasib dia. Tapi yang buat aku nangis dalam kemarahan - sambil tahan sakit gastrik sendiri - ialah cara anak dia jawab soalan-soalan dia yang berulang macam radio rosak tu, sungguh kasar. She grunted, huffed and puffed at her.

Nak je aku jerit, woi tu ibu kau, tolong respect sikit ok. Tapi tak. Aku pun tak tahu lah apa nak jadi. Finally nenek tu tadi bertenang setelah makan ubat walaupun masih jugak dia tanya sekali sekala, mana doktor? Doktor takkan datang ke? Diorang tak kasi ubat ke?

Yang paling menyedihkan, bila anak dia keluar sekejap, masih jugak dia panggil nama anak dia.

"(nama anak dia).....sakitlah...rasa terseksa sangat.."

itu yang dia asyik ulang.

Yang aku kagum, walaupun nenek ni takkan ingat apa yang jadi pada dia 5 minit yang lalu, dia tetap ingat nama anak dia dan rupa anak dia. Itulah kasih seorang ibu. Kasih anak? hampeh!

Dalam tangis aku berdoa,

Ya Allah, kau sihatkanlah ibu dan ayahku sampai hujung nyawa diorang. Bagilah aku peluang untuk berbakti sepuasnya pada diorang. Janganlah kau turunkan penyakit nyanyuk pada diorang supaya kami masih dapat duduk bersama dan bercerita kisah lama-lama, sampailah Kau jemput mereka kembali.


Sedih kan?

Sila nangis.

Aku nangis takpa. Aku tengah hormonal.

xoxo 

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

10w1d

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Tough

You know whats tough?

Being pregnant

Morning sickness yang all day sickness sampai ke malam

Waktu post ini dikarang pun tengah melayan sickness sambil tak tahu bila acid reflux nak jadi atau bila perlu lari ke toilet untuk muntah macam dalam wayang exorcist. Syukur masih boleh minum air

Diet pemakanan sekarang hanyalah teiggies perisa coklat dan butterscotch gardenia. Kadang-kadang bubur nasi sejuk dicampur gula. 

Dua hari lepas sambil mkn bubur nasi depan tv sambil tengok orang tv makan kek secret recipe. Maka jadilah emily tose kembali. Depan tv. Atas lantai. Mama tengah makan. Tapi mama sanggup berhenti dan tolong lap aku. Sigh. 

Tak elok mengeluh. Ini kan yang engkah mintak yang engkau doa yang engkau tangiskan? Sekarang dah dapat kenapa mengeluh. 

Lebih kepada perasaan bersalah sebab selama ni ke hulu ke hilir aku sendiri berdikari. Sekarang nak refill botol air dengan air masak dari dapur pun terpaksa mintak mama tolong.

Mama datang. Kesian dia. Tapi dia cakap dia lagii kesian aku sebab tak dapat makan. Mama dulu mengandungkan kami berenam semua dia macam ni. Gagah sungguh mama aku. Ya اَللّÙ‡ُ kau berilah dia ganjaran syurga tanpa hisab. Aku nak lepas dua minggu ni lagi pun dah merengek-rengek.

Selalu mimpi makan. Dah nak suap. Tiba-tiba terbangun. Nangis. Dengar lagu nasyid kat tv, nangis. Tengok drama, nangis. Tak dapat makan sebab loya, nangis. 


Susahnya menjadi ibu. Bertuah kamu-kamu yang tak perlu melalui sickness macam ni. Sayanglah ibu kamu. Hormatilah dia. Doakan dia.

Sesungguhnya dia itu superwoman.

اَللّÙ‡ُ Maha Besar

Xoxo

Sunday, 17 January 2016

A New Beginning

Dengan Nama اَللّÙ‡ُ yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang

Doakan kami

Week 10 is coming

Sudah didengari denyut jantungnya

Tetapi perasaan risau itu masih ada

Doakan saya

Agar tabah menghadapi ujian yang hebat ini. Dikuatkan semangat untuk terus berjuang walaupun tubuh lemah longlai. Besar dugaannya untuk bersedia menerima roh amanah اَللّÙ‡ُ yang istimewa ini.

Doakan dia

Agar sabar melayan keluh kesah saya sepanjang tiga bulan pertama ini.

Agar tidur malamnya masih cukup untuk dia berjuang di siang hari mencari rezeki buat penghidupan kami. Walaupun acap kali dia tersedar dengan batuk dengan larian saya ke tandas untuk meredakan loya dan pening. 

Doakan baby

Agar dia masih mampu membesar dengan elok dalam keadaan saya tidak punya selera makan. Bubur nasi dicampur gula dan air masak, itulah suapan saya pada dia. 

Ingin saya umumkan pada dunia tapi kerisauan itu masih bersarang di hati

Mudahan semuanya baik-baik saja

اَللّÙ‡ُ Maha Besar


Friday, 11 December 2015

The Prep

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.

Dengan Nama Allah yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang.

Tinggal dua hari lagi.

Isnin nanti kami akan berlepas ke Madinah, dan 19 Disember kami akan kembara ke Makkah, insha-Allah. Perasaan bercampur-baur, terharu kerana syukur alhamdulillah kami dijemput pada usia yang muda, nervous sebab masih ada cerita tentang demam selesema MERS-COV tu, dan ada kerisauan sikit meninggalkan keluarga dan anak bulus.

Semoga perjalanan kami dipermudahkan pergi dan kembali.

Ramai juga rakan yang mengirimkan doa mereka. Ada rakan yang anaknya sedang sakit, ada supervisor yang isterinya bertarung nyawa dengan sakit jantung, ada rakan yang sedang mengandung tetapi mengalami komplikasi, ada rakan yang suaminya diganggu tekanan emosi. Banyak sungguh cerita kita di dunia ni. If we are envious of what other people have and of their happiness, ingatlah, apa yang dipaparkan pada laman sosial itulah yang dia mahu kita lihat. In fact, we all face our own struggle in daily life. Bezanya kita ni jenis mencapap atau tidak lah kan?

Bagi saya, saya tidak suka nak tunjukkan kesedihan/kedukaan di laman sosial. Bagi saya itu sungguh private. Bagi saya, jika saya tiada lagi di dunia ini, saya mahu diingati sebagai orang yang happy-go-lucky sahaja.

Rasanya semua kelengkapan kami sudah tersedia. Tinggal nak cuci baju yang last dalam laundry basket dan lipat masuk luggage je dah. Ahad petang kami akan hantar anak bulus ni ke vet diorang untuk boarding. Mudahan takdelah masalah sebab Auntie Ain dan Auntie Izah will be listed as emergency contact and proxy untuk allow any emergency decisions.

Diorang pun macam tahu kami dah nak jalan jauh lagi. Manja sungguh. Jack especially sebab dia paling rapat dengan mama dia ni. Oreo tu lebih independent. Recently dah tukar food diorang to premium quality food. Bagus jugak sebab stoool diorang tak lah busuk sangat. And they seemed more content. Lebih cepat kenyang walaupun makan sikit je. Tidur pun lebih nyenyak. Esok nak top up dah lah food tu dan belanja wet food sikit untuk ditinggalkan pada vet.

Anyways, patutnya cerita pasal prep kan?

Haha. Ok. Boleh tak kemalasan menguasai diri ini. Lately penat sangat-sangat. Perlu lebih rehat je. Jadi kita list down ringkas-ringkas je lah ye? Mesti korang tertanya-tanya tentang pakej umrah kan?

Facts:
1. Kami decide nak join umrah ni bila ada kawan saya yang memang ayahnya pergi every year. Murah rezeki mereka. Jadi bila check ada budget lebih dan cuti lebih, suami pun bagi green light untuk submit nama.

2. Pakej umrah yang kami join ni ialah under Al-Hisbah Services. Katanya sister company of Gemilang. Tak apa lah. We have faith in my friend.

3. Kos pakej ialah RM7000 sebab group package. Kitorang mintak private room for the both of us so add on RM1000 lagi. Still cheap rasanya sebab sekarang banyak cerita agent rugi sebab matawang ringgit jatuh. Katanya banyak agent yang mintak top-up untuk tampung additional expenses di sana. Wallahualam.

4. Kursus umrah pulak, team kami ni ada jugak buat tapi weekdays malam, so kami tak join sebab kami kan mengajar tusyen weekdays malam. Jadi kami decide join yang free walk-in organized by Tabung Haji je. Boleh check di website tabung haji tours. Ada tiga lokasi iaitu Tabung Haji Jalan Tun Razak, Tabung Haji Kelana Jaya dan Masjid Besi di Putrajaya. This year schedule dia memang hari Sabtu dari jam 9 pagi hingga 12 tengahari. Yang ni kami baru join last week. Tapi kami nasihatkan kawan-kawan join lah awal supaya bolehlah repeat kelas supaya adalah soalan-soalan yang boleh ditanya.

5. Barang kelengkapan umrah seperti pakaian ihram, beg kasut, botol air wudhu' dan lain-lain, kami beli daripada Mydin Emporium di Jalan TAR. Murah. Dulu terfikir nak ke PKNS di Shah Alam, tapi banyak review yang cakap sebab butik individu ni selalunya mahal. Berjimatlah tetapi masih pakai yang terbaik untuk menjadi tetamu Allah dan Rasulullah dan para sahabat.

6. Vaccination for Meningitis: ni pun dah settle a month ago lepas kami confirm payment. Mostly boleh ambil injection ni di klinik kesihatan, tetapi kalau malas nak beratur,bolehlah ke klinik swasta di kawasan perumahan anda. Cuma telefonlah dulu untuk booking/bertanyakan stok sebab bila tiba musim umrah (cuti sekolah), confirm stok cepat habis. Harga mostly around RM150-180 gitu seorang. Vaccination ni will last for 5 years, however, kerajaan Saudi menetapkan expiry sampai 3 tahun sahaja. Selepas 3 tahun, jika ingin memohon visa Saudi lagi, perlulah ambil injection ini semula.

7. Serahkan passport, buku vaccination (klinik akan bagi), gambar passport saiz saudi visa (menutup aurat dan pakaian gelap), kepada agent : done.

Barang-barang yang nak pack maybe akan sambung next post lah eh. Ngantuk pulak dah. It's time for meds and then bed.

Selamat malam semua.

Masih ada harapan. :)

xoxo


Thursday, 12 November 2015

When in Jannah

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.

"Imagine... sitting with your spose in Jannah. And then deciding what the plans would be for that day...

Should we go outside, sit on our thrones, with waterfalls of milk and honey flowing beneath us? And enjoy a cup of Jannah wine, while smelling the sweet scent of Jannah musk?

Should we go to the souq, the market place, and meet all of our old friends that we used to kick it of with in the dunya, and talk about what dunya was like, and how we all made it here, and how Allah (subhanahuwata'ala) bestowed His favor upon on?

And then your spouse says, you know what, how about we go visit the Prophet (sallallahualaihisalam) today. And so you and your spouse, go hands in hand, walking towards the house of the Prophet (sallallahualaihisalam).

You pass the homes of Talha and Zubair (radiallahuanhu) and you say salaam to them. And then you go and knock on the door of the Prophet (sallallahualaihisalam) in Jannah.

Lo and behold! Rasulullah (sallallahualaihisalam) opens, with a big smile on his face, and says "Ahlan wa Marhaban, welcome" and embraces you.

And invites you to sit inside his home, in his noble living room, and sits right across from you and asks you if you would like a cup of Jannah tea.

And you sit in the home of the Prophet (sallallahualaihisalam) and he gives you a cup of tea. And he sits infront of you and gives yu his undivided attention. 

Imagine what that discussion would be like...what would you tell him? What would you ask him?

Would you tell him about your favorite moment in the seerah? Or would you ask him what Taif was really like? And how he still managed to remember us, as the blood spilled from his noble face?

But in Jannah, there are no more tears and no more fears.... Just the sweetness of success and sacrifices.

Imagine him (sallallahualaihisalam) telling you an inside joke between him and 
Aisha (radiallahuanhu)? Or the time he caught Anas (radiallahuanhu) playing with kids, instead of running errands?

What if Rasulullah (sallallahualaihisalam) told you how he remembered YOU, or how he knew YOUR name, and longed for the moment he would meet YOU?

What if Rasulullah (sallallahualaihisalam) told you that "I remember when your salam reached me, and I answered waalaykumsalam," and so and so.

What if, at the end of that conversation, the Prophet (sallallahualaihisalam) extended his hand and offered you a sip of water, after which again you would never feel thirst, not physically nor spiritually...

For the only sight more noble and beautiful than the face of Muhammad (sallallahualaihisalam), is the face of the Lord of Muhammad (sallallahualaihisalam), and the Lord of you.

And for that, all you have to do is look up...and you will see Allah (subhanahuwata'ala).

Because in Al-Firdaus, you will never be left to imagine again."

(Imam Omar Suleman)

I take no credit from this piece. It was copied from a post I saw on Facebook by sister Sarah Hameed.

Wonderful isn't it?

How long will it be before I can experience this?

xoxo

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

January 2016

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim..

Tak dapat nak lelapkan mata. Jam menunjukkan pukul 1.13am. Hujan renyai-renyai diluar. 

Dah selamat jumpa doctor dah semalam.
Result kurang memberangsangkan. 
Vitamin D turun lagi sedangkan dah sibuk telan pil 2000IU dua kali sehari. Bukan itu sahaja, siap pergi taman lagi berjemur mana-mana bahagian yang boleh didedahkan pada cahaya matahari.

Result toxoplasmosis is negative, makanya kucing-kucingku sihat dan bebas daripada jangkitan kuman tu. Toxoplasmosis ni boleh hadir dalam kucing yang dijangkiti virus tu. Dikeluarkan dari badan kucing melalui tinja. Kalau aku tersentuh tinja, maka boleh berpindah pada aku. Bila aku mengandung, bayi aku nanti mungkin akan mengalami kecacatan perkembangan. Nauzubillahiminzalik. 

ET cantik bulan ni tapi bila aku bagitahu doktor aku amalkan EPO at 1000IU 3x a day, doktor suruh stop or reduce habis-habisan sebab memangla EPO ni elok untuk bantu tebalkan ET sebab ada estrogen, tapi side effect dia ialah akan berlaku pergerakan seakan-akan bergelombang pada UC yang akan mengganggu implantasi embryo jika berjaya disenyawakan. Pergerakan ni terlampau kecil dan hanya boleh diperhatikan melalui rakaman video TVS yang dipercepatkan. 

Ovari kanan ada folikel tetapi lokasinya jauh daripada yang sepatutnya.

Ovari kiri ada foliket bersaiz ideal tetapi morfologinya kurang cantik kerana terdapat "unjuran" yang aku lupa namanya. Tidak berbentuk bulat seperti biasa.

Doktor semak kembali medical records. Dah setahun lebih dah daripada x-ray HSG pertama. Maka aku diminta untuk buat temujanji untuk HSG x-ray kedua untuk memastikan tiada bahagian yang "kurang sihat". Akan telefon Hospital Tawakkal, Jalan Pahang on D1, ask for appointment with Dr. Fatimah. Bawa balik report HSG ni nanti during appointment seterusnya. Perlu makan antibiotik sehari sebelum, hari HSG dan sehari selepas HsG ni untuk mengelakkan jangkitan kuman. Ni bukan x-ray rangka tulang ye. X-ray ni special sebab ada dakwat yang akan disalurkan ke dalam ruang rahim dan terus ke tiub falopia dan ovari kiri kanan sambil diambil gambar x-ray untuk melihat kelancaran pergerakan cecair tersebut. Mudahan tak ada yang sumbat ye. 

In the meantime, continue with Vit D at 2000IU 2x per day. Sampai sebulan atau sebulan setengah nanti, datang balik untuk buat blood test. Tuesdays and Fridays je, result akan dapat two working days after. 

So apa yang akan berlaku January 2016 nanti??

Selain berkongsi perancangan kami untuk ke umrah December ni nanti (doctor tu pun akan pergi inshaAllah), doktor dah bagi ubat siap-siap dah untuk dimakan pada cycle D3-D8 sejurus selepas pulang daripada umrah. Ubat ni memang power sebab arahan ialah makan satu tablet setiap hari untuk 5 hari, tetapi pada waktu malam sahaja sebelum tidur. Sebab lepas makan ubat ni confirm pening mabuk loya berpinar-pinar dibuatnya. So strictly for night only. Bila dah sudah, jumpa doktor lagi pada D11/D12/D13 untuk monitoring.

Apa term menarik appointment kali ini? 

Aku sampaikan pada student aku, belajar biologi ni macam belajar bahasa. Bila tahu bahasanya, maka tahulah maksudnya.

Term kali ini ialah... (Drum roll)

Intra-cytoplasmic Sperm Injection atau ICSI. 

Apa itu ICSI? Dan apa beza IcSI dengan IVF?

Tunggu post seterusnya selepas aku habis mentelaah agar dapat disampaikan ilmu sains ini dengan mudah. 

Betapa kecilnya kita dan betapa hebatnya ciptaan Allah subhanahuwata'ala. 

Kun fa ya kun

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Between Want and Need

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim..

Ya.

Antara nak dan perlu.

Want and need.

Mood sentap sikit sebab semalam terbaca satu artikel tentang this girl yang TTC juga.

Tentang kesedihan kami yang tengah TTC ni sebenarnya berpunca daripada masyarakat sekeliling yang agak mendesak apabila asyik menanya bila lagi nak mengandung dan tak teringin ke nak anak.

Side track sikit.

Sekarang aku mengajar tusyen kan. Jadi rumah kami ni sentiasalah dikunjungi budak-budak. Jack dengan Oreo pulak awalnya takut sangat sebab tak biasa dalam rumah ni ada suara orang lain. Bila kawan datang visit tu lain cerita la kan. Finally after 3-4 weeks ni, seperti yang dijangka, Jack makin pandai bersosial dengan budak-budak yang datang tusyen tu. Bila ada kelas tusyen je mesti dia tunggu budak sampai sambil jenguk keluar di sliding door, atau panjat atas meja dan memerhatikan budak-budak tu buat latihan, kadang-kadang dia akan duduk di kerusi belakang aku ketika aku mengajar dan tido atau menanti usapan dan belaian. Oreo memang jangan harap la nak manja dengan strangers. Mungkin sebab sebelum ni dia stray yang pernah didera atau selalu dihalau oleh orang lain. :( Selalu menghilang, biasanya naik atas dan tido. Sebaik sahaja budak balik dan kami baru nak kunci pintu utama, nampaklah Oreo di anak tangga paling bawah sambil menguap, seolah-olah bertanya, budak-budak dah balik ke?. Hehe. Kelakar. Lainkali lah aku cerita telatah diorang ni.

Satu hari tu, tengah monitor student yang berumur 7 tahun ni, tiba-tiba student tu pandang sekeliling. Macam tengah cari something. Aku ingatkan dia tengah fikir jawapan pada soalan latihan yang aku berikan. Rupanya...

"Auntie takde anak ke?"
"(senyum) Belum lagi. Insya-Allah tahun depan,"

Matanya kembali kepada buku latihan. Aku pun pandang sekeliling rumah ni. Patutlah. Gambar yang kami ada hanyalah gambar kahwin kami yang bersaiz kecil, dan gambar ketika kami bercuti di Langkawi tahun 2012, 3 bulan lepas kahwin. Kedua-dua gambar ni terletak diatas rak buku tepi tv. Suami sememangnya tak mahu ada gambar manusia yang digantung dalam rumah ni. Katanya nanti malaikat tak masuk. Wallahu'alam.

Aku ada letak satu gambar baby. Baby siapa? Heh! confirmla gambar aku time baby. Aku selalu perhatikan baby orang lain. Biasanya nak tengok baby tu dapat paras rupa siapa, sambil memikirkan, baby kami nanti rupa macam mana ya?

Kakak yang datang urut aku semalam kata, "genetik diorang tu kuat. Confirm anak kamu nanti banyak dapat ciri-ciri dia." Aku gelak je. Sambil tahan sakit sebab seminggu lepas aku jatuh tangga.

Salah sendiri. Pakai stoking dalam rumah budak-budak yang aku jaga tu. Aku rushing nak turun ke bawah tapi taklah berlari pun. Entah macam mana, miss satu step, meluncur turun tiga anak tangga, dan landing confirmlah atas punggung. Aku cuba break the fall dengan tangan. Sempat cushion the fall sikit je. Bahagian badan sebelah kiri sakit. Bila urut ni memang ouch ouch la kan. Suami marah. Marah sikitla. Sebab dia tak nak apa-apa berlaku. Aku cakap aku ok je.

Dua hari lepas tu "makcik datang ziarah". Hmm.. Lepas jatuh tu aku monitor jugak sebenarnya takut-takut ada bleeding. Alhamdulillah takda.

Ok, so kembali kepada cerita sebenar.

Lepas baca post that girl tadi di FB, aku sentap.

Dia kata, sebenarnya suami isteri tenang je menghadapi ujian Allah ni. Most of the time tak fikir pun sebab sibuk dengan urusan harian dan masa lapang tu, enjoy each other's company. Kami mula stress bila kami diingatkan, when it is slapped on our faces that "something is missing" in our life.

Tetapi orang lupa.

Anak itu amanah daripada Allah.

Nak dapat senang. (bagi diorang la kan because clearly for me macam struggle habis). Tapi nak jaga susah. Sebab anak-anak ni nanti akan menuntut pada kita di hari pengadilan.

Lepas tu timbul persoalan sebenar.

Ada anak ni, keperluan atau kehendak? I think it is a privilege.

Baru tengahari tadi kami menonton wayang (dirumah je, jimat), Gone Girl.

Perbualan suami isteri dalam movie tu yang berbunyi begini:

"Having a child can not and will not fix a troubled marriage,"

Lebih kurang macam itulah. Isi tersirat di situ kiranya mempersoalkan keperluan untuk ada anak ni. Kalau sekadar untuk meredakan pergolakan dalam rumah tangga, it will not solve the issue sebab bila dah ada anak, timbul pula dugaan lain dan masalah sebenar tadi sebenarnya belum dapat diselesaikan pun.

There is no shortcut to having a child. There is no shortcut to a happy life. There is no shortcut to maintaining a marriage.

It all requires work from both parties.

Jadi persoalannya, lagi dan lagi dan lagi, do you want a child? Or do you need a child?

Allah akan bagi apa yang kita perlu, dan tak semestinya apa yang kita mahu.

Babak suami isteri yang bergaduh dalam movie ni betul-betul membuka mata aku tentang argument suami isteri yang "berbincang/merancang/bercadang" untuk dapatkan anak.

Truth is, kitorang tak pernah argue pasal nak anak. We both just want one, or more.
Suami pernah berseloroh nak anak ramai supaya boleh buat pasukan bola. I liked that idea. We talked about it alot diawal perkahwinan dulu.

Lepas kahwin, idea tu diskaun jadi pasuka bola futsal.

Sekarang, tak tahulah ada diskaun ke tak tapi if dapat sorang pun kami dah sangat-sangat bersyukur.

If.

If is good.

[Esok jumpa doctor lagi. Check up lagi. Mungkin buat kali terakhir tahun ini. Jika keadaan belum mengizinkan, kami akan teruskan kembara kami untuk menziarahi rumah Allah, bulan December nanti. Doakan kami selamat pergi dan kembali]

xoxo


Thursday, 15 October 2015

Reset

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Ye. Reset.
The clock.
This month false alarm lagi tapi tak lah lama. Cuma cycle 29 days sahaja.
Awal Muharram. Suami bercuti. Keluar makan. Perut sakit.
Balik rumah. Confirm.
Dah tak kuasa nak nangis lagi dah.
Air mata tu ada.
Tapi tak jatuh.
Nak cuba lagi ke?
Semakin rasa menjauh.
Terlintas di fikiran, mungkin dia akan lebih bahagia dengan orang lain.
I have nothing to offer in this condition.
Tetapi dia tetap bertahan.
We're in the same boat, katanya.
Boat nak pergi mana tu? Aku berseloroh.
Kami ketawa. Reset perasaan itu.
Kembali perasaan kasih, kembali perasaan sayang.
Syukur dia tak pernah putus asa.

Setiap hari aku elak buka Facebook.
Elak buka Instagram.
Elak nak tanya khabar pada kawan dan keluarga.
Sebab sebenarnya aku elak diorang tanya soalan tu pada aku.
Sebab aku sendiri tak tahu jawapannya. Bila lagi?
Allah je yang tahu.
Kalau aku tahu, confirm aku buat kenduri kambing golek dua ekor terus.
Pelamin fresh flowers dengan crib putih, pink lace if its a girl dan cotton blue if its a boy.
Tapi tak.
That is not how it works.

Aku elak tengok gambar.
Supaya aku tak diingatkan yang aku ni tak mampu.
Supaya aku tak termimpi-mimpi diberitahu oleh doktor, kejadian istimewa itu, milik aku.

Hari ini hari kedua.
Aku dah cuba telefon nurse untuk buat temujanji seterusnya.
Masih menanti nurse telefon semula kerana klinik penuh dan nurse sibuk.

Baca blog doktor tu lagi.
Kali ini penuh dengan gambar pasangan-pasangan yang berjaya.
Semuanya bayi tabung uji.

Dulu masa belajar biologi, terngiang-ngiang di telinga suara Mr. LHG sebut pasal benda ni.
Kami semua tertawa.
Mudahnya masa remaja.
Tidak tahu derita.
Tidak tahu kecewa.
Tidak tahu diduga.

Aku ada dua percubaan lagi.

Hari tu dah Strike One.

Bulan Disember nanti kami akan menjalani ibadah umrah.
Semoga dipermudahkan.
Semoga doa kami diterima.
Semoga kami lebih dekat dengan Maha Pencipta.
Semoga kami lebih kuat.
Semoga kami sedar kami hambaNya yang lemah dan tidak terdaya.

Kepada Dia kami datang, dan kepada Dia kami akan kembali.

Tapi persoalan itu tetap bermain di hati.

Bila lagi?

:"/

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Home Tuition

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim

Well, the first two sessions was good. Last night for Biology class buat revision je on Test Paper 1 for Chapter 3&4. Sebenarnya student Biology sorang ni faham the chapter content but her problem is on understanding the question's requirement.

Aku pun hairan kenapa cikgu macam kat sekolah tak ajar. But that was her previous school lah. Sekarang dia dah pindah ke SMK Putrajaya, I hope we can see some improvements lah.

Ketika mengajar Biology ni, memang terngiang-ngiang lah suara Mr. LHG time dia mengajar aku masa form 4 dan form 5 dulu. Every tips tu aku share dengan student ni. Dengan harapan, berkatlah ilmu yang aku turunkan kat dia. Amiin.

-------

Mood aku lately dah improve dah. Mungkin sebab dah active kan hantar budak skolah, malam buat tuition lagi. I always have something to look forward to. Memang jarang dah lah nak ada masa for day nap.

Jadi jangan ingat kerja surirumah senang ye. Pagi hantar budak sekolah, balik tu kemas rumah basuh kain, masak, pastu tengok-tengok dah pukul 1 dah nak kene bersiap solat dan pick up kids from school. Lebih kurang lah simulasi raising a child. Untunglah orang yang boleh ada maid dan cikgu-cikgu tuition ni. Bolehlah rehat sebentar sementara kids kat tempat tuition. Yang ada maid pulak, rumah confirmlah sentiada bersih je and kalau nak, maid dah masakkan sekali.

But I do hope that these parents understand, dalam mengejar kecemerlangan dunia, jangan pandang remeh keperluan psikologi anak-anak yang perlukan perhatian.

Kids yang aku babysit ni recently cakap something yang buat sentap lagi. Pagi tu the day after Malaysia Day. Sekolah biasa kan tengah bercuti minggu tu. Tapi diorang sekolah lah kan sebab international school.

Keluar je daripada rumah, dia nampak banyak kereta jiran masih park kat luar rumah. Obviously ramai parents yang ambil peluang untuk bercuti dengan anak-anak. Probably out of town. Abang tanya,

"Auntie, orang lain semua cuti sekolah kan?"
"Haah. (sambil load their bags in the car and strap their safety belt)"
"Auntie, mama papa diorang pun cuti jugak ke? Banyak je kereta kat luar ni,"
"Haah. Ye kot. Usually they're off to work already kan at this time?"
"Hmm. Auntie, kan best kalau mama papa kerja petang je from 1-3pm. So that boleh hantar dan pick us up and spend time with us,"
"Yes. That would be lovely. But they have to go to work kan, baru ada duit nak save to go for holidays and celebrate birthday parties?"
"Ya, I guess so,"

Lepas tu aku terus tukar topik. Hopefully one day they can really understand lah why things are the way they are now.

Bila bercerita dengan jiran-jiran kat sini, anak-anak mereka semuanya cemerlang. Lepas balik sekolah, hantar sekolah agama. Ni ok lagi. But some tu hantar swimming training lah, music classes lah. Kadang-kadang aku fikir, bila lah bebudak ni ada masa just being kids?

Apa yang diorang tahu, life is always a rush. You have to be really good to make it in life. You have to have money to be happy.

We try our might to prepare them for life, but sometimes we tend to forget that they are just kids.

------

Jerebu lagi. Tekak pun dah ada kahak balik. Malam pulak bernyamuk walaupun tingkap dah tutup awal dan dah spray ubat nyamuk.

Mudahan sentiasa diberikan kesihatan yang baik.

I need to be strong.

"It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final," - Roger Babson.

Berserah kepada Allah, you are never alone.

xoxo

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Babysitting

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Hmm. Sekali lagi abandon pulak post kat blog ni kan.

So straight to the point - mesti musykil kan bila tengok blog title kali ni. :)

Yes.

Lepas Raya haritu, one of my neighbour approached me and asked if I am interested to babysit her kids. So kira kidsitting lah. Both boys. Abang is 9 years old and adik is 6 years old. The routine is easy. Hantar pagi to school. Their school is nearby je around 10 minutes drive across the highway to Cyberjaya.

School finishes at 3.30pm. By the time we got home it would be 4pm dah. Then get the kids to take shower, solat and then come down for lunch. Lunch ni mum diorang dah preparekan and I only have to reheat je. Breakfast and lunch box pun mum diorg dah siap pack kan. After makan, their routine is to get their homework done.

I tanya la kenapa dah tak hantar pergi transit as usual. (I just want to gauge la kan what is going on). The mum said that van mahal and they refuse to send her kids home sebab just the two of them living on this side of the town. Other kids memang dah tinggal di Cyberjaya. Before this the van will pick up the kids from school and then drop them off kat transit place. Transit place ni pulak penuh dengan budak and they don't monitor homework at all. Diorang just....tempat transit while waiting for the kids' parents to pick them up.

I cakap I'll think about it and discuss with the husband dulu.

Husband said that's good, at least bolehlah do something kan? Dah setahun jugak dah I'm unemployed. Probably a good time to get up and do something. Halfway through tu I bercerita dengan kakak kat dobi taman kitorang ni. She said I can ask for RM250-350 per kid. I said ok lah kot. So the next time I jumpa my neighbor ni, I am ready with a figure.

Rezeki itu milik Allah. Alhamdulillah sangat2, the kakak actually offered me way better than the figure I had in my mind. Reason dia? Sebab aku ada degree and this is like way below me punya job. Syukur lah. It's a good offer so I accepted it.

3 September haritu first day of school diorang. A new year for them. Abang is in Year 5 and adik is in Year 2. Everything went well.

Pagi time hantar diorang pergi sekolah tu aku akan ajak diorang borak2. Macam-macam topik yang kitorang borakkan, science, history, geography, general knowledge and their experiences. Yang aku paling suka is ask their opinion on certain things. Sebab, aku tak ingat apa yang aku selalu fikirkan at that age.

Petang pun macam tu jugak. Ajak diorang borak sampai rumah. Mum diorang cakap, before this bebudak tu tido je dalam kereta. Problem is bila dah nap siang (on the way to school) and nap petang (coming back from school) ni, malam diorang lambat la nak tido. Bila lambat tido, lambatla nak bangun pagi kan? That's the challenge before this. Nak suruh bangun pagi sebab confirm akan cranky. Especially adik.

Now they have a steady schedule, by the time aku sampai rumah diorang, they are already in the kitchen finishing breakfast. Sometimes the mum tak sempat nak pack rice dalam lunch box diorang so aku tolong la sikit2. By 5.30pm parents diorang dah sampai rumah. I will report on their progress of the day and convey any notes from the teacher. Then I'll balik dah lah.

One of the day yang aku paling ingat happened like two days ago.

Usually aku drop off diorang je kat bay depan school canteen tu. But on that day, aku kene gi bookshop sekolah tu untuk beli additional exercise book then send him off kat gate kecik tepi administration building.

Salam, lepas tu say bye-bye.

"Okay auntie, bye bye, waalaikumsalam, I love you,"

That's what adik said to me.

Aku respond jugak balik "I love you too!"

On the way balik tu aku rasa sebak. Baru seminggu diorang dah so close to me. Tak tahu la kan aku je yang feeling lebih sedangkan budak tu mamai pagi.

I told his mum about it and the mum said elleh with mama takde plak macam tu.

Truth is, before this the kids ada cakap, its okay auntie Anne can just drop us off kat bay tu sebab mama pun selalu macam tu. Mama nak rush kan takut late to work.

Sedih jugak aku dengar. These kids really look like they crave for attention. But zaman sekarang ni to survive is not easy. So it is really understandable both parents had to work hard for the kid's future.

Private school ain't cheap yo! But I admire their determination to provide to the kids a better opportunity later on in their life.

------

Bulan lepas, the visit to the doctor pun not fruitful. Sampai dia tanya, dalam family ada orang stroke ke? Ada orang smoking ke? Aku cakap, neighbor je. Left and right pulak tu. She said please ask them to stop because this is not helping you. (tetiba pulak diorang ni tukar ke vape la kan before I can even find a way to get their wives to help me out). She asked me to come back again this cycle. Malangnya, this cycle coincide with Aidil Adhha and school holidays. My doctor ni memang akan ambil cuti sama macam her kid's school holidays.

So, next cycle it is.

Still hoping.

Tapi ternyata solat Dhuha itu sangat besar manfaatnya.

Now, the babysitting job dah spread among the suris taman ni and taman sebelah, and requests for home tutoring tiba-tiba bertambah. Time aku post ni pun husband tengah tutor anak jiran for Additional Maths and Physics.

Aku tengah study balik Biology jugak before I start tutoring next week. Another request, budak darjah 3, for English and Maths. Another one, primary 3 Science. All estimated to start next week. Revision for end of year exams.

Satu pintu rezeki tutup, banyak lagi Allah buka. It is up to you to grab the chance.

Amiin, Syukran ya Allah.

xoxo