The Proposal - The Engagement Party

So it's the month of March.

Flashback three years ago.

Kawan-kawan ajak us out for dinner. That year, I can say we have dated for about 6 years? Which is a pretty long time I would say. Halfway through tu when we did the long-distance relationship (me working here in KL and him still in Sabah doing his final year of engineering), I almost thought things were really really falling apart between us. I was absorbed with work and him with his final year thesis.

Dinner with the friends (his friends - as in his circle of friends which I got so lucky to be able to call my best friends too) was set at The Curve. Favorite hangout place there would be Marche Movenpick la kan. Dulu time office still in Damansara/PJ agak selalu la jugak we frequent that place. It was on a working day, and since I am closer (time tu office kat PJ), I managed to reach the place first. He was still on his way from KL even after everybody has arrived.

Time sampai tu adala this couple friend who just got married the year before, asked when are we (me and the then-boyfriend-now-husband) are going to tie the knot. Aku terdiam and just said "well korang kene tanya dia lah kot (insert gelak nervous disitu)".

I quickly forgot about that and catch up with the others sebab dah ramai and dah lapar so we started ordering.

He finally arrived. Sesi makan (melahap) pun mula. I am quite amazed at myself jugak sebab dulu time kat uni aku ni bukan jenis yang kuat makan. The then-boyfriend-now-husband yang selalu habiskan makanan aku. But now I can easily finish any food on my plate and sometimes makan malam, the amount of nasi I put on my plate can double his. Cumanya berat badan ni still maintain jugak for the past 3 years. Cacing? Dah setahun sekali dah buat. Takde pun. Genetik kot?

Dah sibuk-sibuk makan tu, the couple tanya la the then-boyfriend-now-husband pulak, same question. I cringed inside. Okay, agak menakutkan sebab apa, entah. Aku pun tak tau kenapa. But somehow I was calm enough to know his answer would be "tak sure lagi, nak kumpul duit lagi blabla" because somehow after all those years of dating, we never really talked about getting married. Like seriously.

But I'm going to cut to the chase and spare you the suspense. Jawapan dia....

"7 July 2012, in shaa Allah," (jawab dengan sepantas kilat sambil suap makanan masuk mulut)

OK BYE! Aku pulak terkedu di situ. I looked at him. In the background, our friends - all of them heard this and tengah bersorak. I don't really remember what happened next or throughout dinner tu.

Time balik tu he walked me to my car and I asked,

"Urh, tadi tu..was a joke ke?"

"Do you want it to be a joke?"

"Honestly, no?"

"Then it was not a joke,"

"But then if it was not meant to be a joke, shouldn't I be the first to know of the said date?"

"Haha. (dia suke gelak je, kadang-kadang stress jugak especially when the situation warrants some seriousness). Well it is said then. Now we just need to figure out how to get it done,"

"Reza (we usually just address each other with our name when the conversation is serious), its February. The said date is in July. We haven't even try to even hint the parents that rombongan nak datang meminang, there's the arrangements, bookings and stuff to do (nada panic),"

"We'll find a way. Drive safe. I love you,"

Dengan macam tu je, he proposed. Tada! Sorrylah kalau our love story ni short of any fairytale getting down on one knee or the planned surprise proposal. But this is it. This is how it all started. Kebetulan the week after tu I am flying back to attend a childhood friend's wedding. Jiran dari umur 3 tahun ok. So... after wedding ceremony dia tu, that night I told dad, we need to talk. I think he kind of figured it out la because of course la I akan bagitau mummy dulu and of course mummy akan bisik to daddy.

"I heard you wanted to deliver a news?"

Muka daddy time dia cakap macam tu, lain. Dads, they can tell that when their babygirl is all grown up and one day they have to let them go hoping the man they chose will continue to love them till the end of the world and beyond. Senyum daddy lain.

"Yea. About that, bismillah... (jantung rasa macam nak gugur). So... I think you're aware of me dating this guy name Reza from uni,"

"A-ha.. continue,"

"Well, we thought that after seeing each other, being friends for 6 years or so, we thought we want to upgrade the relationship one level, with your blessing of course,"

Time tu rasa macam time stopped. Part of me risau he will say no, part of me rasa macam...entah...takut kot?

Reza came to visit my family during one semester break, a year after we date. Time hantar dia gi airport tu, daddy ada cakap kat dia, come back and visit us again another time. He said in shaa Allah. But after that Reza cakap to me when we're alone, "I takkan datang lawat lagi, until, I have something to offer,". Aku pegang kata-kata ni, and years after that, Reza tak pernah berhubung dengan any family member except the occasional kirim salam/eid wishes.

But daddy remembers me telling him this bila the next year tu my dad tanya Reza tak datang visit lagi ke?

Bring you back to the moment...

"Are you sure? This is the right time and the right guy?"

"in shaa Allah daddy, I am sure (aku dah start nak nangis dah)"

"then you have our (mummy and daddy) blessing. We want you to be happy. We know you are your best when you're with him. To be honest I respect him for what he promised you. He will only come back once he have something to offer. That's a real man and you're very lucky. We hope you two can be very happy together, forever. Now, we need to get things going. I need to pull out my wedding organizer (yes, dia ada buku wedding organizer dari zaman kakak-abang dulu). The last wedding in the family is in year 2005. That was 7 years ago?"

Lepas tu, soalan cepumas lagi, "bila rombongan nak datang?". I said I'll ask Reza and we'll discuss more.

Discussions after discussions, we decided to chose a weekend for that event. 24th of March 2012 / 1 Jamadilawal 1433H. Good date in the Hijri calendar. Beginning of the month.

Looking back at all these, our affairs sangatlah dipermudahkan oleh Allah subhanahuwata'ala.

First of all, aku bukan jenis cerewet. Ok sikitla but only about work. Kalau pasal diri sendiri, boleh kira agak comot la kan. Tak tahu pun upacara (ceh) tunang tu nak berlangsung macam mana sebab when my sisters and brothers got engage/married, I was I can say too young to really know what is going on or to even focus on the detail. Yang aku tahu, yeay kenduri. So yeah. 

BAJU+TUDUNG

Aku tak tahu nak pakai apa. I decided not to wear white because I want to save that for my nikah. So dengan last minute nya, seminggu lagi nak tunang tu, aku heret Kitty, my best friend to accompany me pergi PKNS Shah Alam cari baju. Dengan rushingnye di petang Ahad tu, kitorang rembat je satu baju kat one of the boutique, jubah kaler hijau. Entah kenapa baju tu je yang berkenan di hati time tu. Lagipun, after we have decided nak really go serious ni, alhamdulillah I have started donning my hijab. Kitty ngan IRY jugak orang first teman aku pergi Jalan Masjid Jamek gi singgah beli. Tudung pun time dah nak balik tu baru macam terserempak satu kat patung yang super cantik. Rembat lagi. Kitty gelaaaak je. Serious budak ni comot betul. Iye la, aku dulu study Geologi. Berjemur pergi site segala. Skema habis bawak beg besar payung besar (yang sampai sekarang Reza akan ejek). Pastu keje plak first job second job keje site. Memang takde masa lah nak bercantik. Jeans, safety boots, tshirt, itula teman setia. And super selesa I tell you. 

CINCIN+HANTARAN??

We bought white gold coated je for myself (satu untuk cincin "buka mulut" dan satu lagi cincin "tanda tunang") That's how they call it back home. Hantaran plak takde apa, bagi RM150 je (aku masih simpan duit ni tak beli apa-apa pun lagi) dan satu dulang manisan from him (jelebi, barfi, & laddoo). Takde balasan dulang except for one silver ring for himself.

JAMUAN MAKAN

Yang ni aku bagi parents settle. It was good food. 

PELAMIN

perlu ke? Serious time ni aku tak tahu la nak pelamin-pelamin ni so takde. TAK ADA. My siblings dulu tak ada so takpela kot. Lagipun, tunang ni macam kene senyap-senyap la sikit kan. Just in case things did not work out the way we planned it to be.

MAKEUP ARTISTE

Tak ada jugak. Aku ingat nak natural je haritu. Mummy bising. Muahaha. So last minute mintak tolong kakak ipar aku touch up sikit. Aku cakap tak mau tebal sebab my usual make up pun just moisturizer, sunblock, eyeliner. Thats me on a normal day kalau tak pergi site.

PHOTOGRAPHER

Haa... ni aku splurge sikit to capture moments. Of course the best in town is Unisys Syndicate. From their portfolio, they're super good at what they do. The principal photographer pun family friends jugak. Our fathers used to work together back in Shell. Dia plak geng kakak aku. Bila tanya harga, he said itu belakang kira. I'm happy you're getting engaged. See you on the big day. Senang kan?

Majlis berlangsung tengahari after Zohor, around 2-ish. Kira terus minum petang la. Kejap je. Sebenarnya ada la jugak hint dengan Reza kan, suruh tukar tarikh pergi November ke December ke, atleast panjang la jugak masa nak arrange itu ini. 

Tapi, bila dah start buka mulut tu (abang dia jadi facilitator), the usual ada hajat, the usual gurauan bunga mana nak dipetik, the usual yang tu yang tengah duduk malu-malu, and the usual gelak ketawa, sampai masa semua setuju, pastu, tanya tarikh. Time ni aku tengok je muka mamat Reza ni. And... still 7 July 2012. Adehai. Dia senyum je. Lepas ni kene panaskan enjin otak la untuk tambah "projek" untuk di "manage". 

So, that's all folks! (siapa peminat warner brothers confirm tau music apa akan keluar dan macam mana bugs bunny sebut this sentence. haha!)

Aku share la sikit kan gambar. (sanggup ni korek dari Facebook)

These are our hantarans. Satu dulang of my rings, his rings, and the left is dulang manisan tadi. Paling atas tu favorite aku, barfi, made from milk and ghee kot. Sedap gile. Bawah tu yang bulat is laddoo, quite common untuk dapat kalo pergi Indian weddings. Yang oren tu is jelebi. Yang tu super manis.

Ni la family (aunties cousins belah daddy and mum's siblings). Adik beradik: abangs je ada sebab adik still in Uni tak dapat balik. Sisters, both married out of town so diorang pun tak balik. But it felt like they were there, happy for us.

And this is us. Lapar sebenarnya after nervous tadi hilang. Tinggi kan dia? Aku plak ketot. 

So for those of you wondering, the then-boyfriend-now-husband ni bangsa apa? Kenapa ada manisan macam tu? Kenapa pakai baju macamtu,that my friend is the uniqueness of Malaysia.Come to think of it, growing up in East Malaysia, that was never the question. But to answer yours, he is Pakistani. Bukan yang dari India tu k. Born in Malaysia. Keturunan Pakistani. Bahasa, hindustan or better known as Urdu. Bukan mamak sebab mamak ni Indian Muslim. Get your facts right. Ada paham? Agama Islam, alhamdulillah. Tak payah tanya banyak pasal ni. Sebab, our kids nantiwill also have an issue, what box to tick sebab we all agree there is no bangsa LAIN-LAIN. Melayu? Tak jugak. India? Tak jugak. Cina? Tak jugak. So how? Something that we can probably just letak Malaysian Muslim, in the future. 

Sebab, aku ni pun rojak. Melayu sikit, Jawa sikit, Cina pun ada.

Agaknya macam mana la rupa anak kitorang nanti ye? :)

xoxo

Borrowed from Heaven Pt.4

"Fitri, good morning. How are you today?"

I tried opening my eyes. The sun was shining bright through the curtain folds. Dr. A came in to check up on me. I sat up and smiled. Husband just got up and was sitting down, probably still groggy. It was all fuzzy when she started explaining about the blood test result from the night before. One of the first sentence that registered was "you are currently going through a threatened miscarriage....." And then the words started to fade away again. I made it through some not-so-foreign vocabs like 'progesterone levels declining', 'POC', and etc. I was quiet and but it didn't take that long for the whole thing to sink in and I realize this is not a dream.

"I have two options for you and I would like you to listen to it carefully before we decide on the next step. Since your body is already doing most of the work, Option 1 is to let it take its natural course and check up on you about a week or two later. I will send you home with painkillers, just in case."

"Option 2 is we can just wheel you in by today and have it all removed and help you clean it. It will be a half-day procedure and you can also go home at the end of the day. But considering your current condition, we want you to know we have other concerns to be considered,"

"I personally prefer kalau you go with the first option tadi tu sebab it is less invasive. Although it will take a long time, tapi it can help you preserve the natural state of your body and we can work on more once you are completely healthy and ready nanti. But I leave it up to you and your husband to decide,"

I told Dr. A, we did our own reading lately and we feel that the best option is indeed the first one. She smiled and say good call, rang the nurse and ordered whatever prescription needed. She also arranged for me to stay for two more days just to monitor my condition. 

Friends and family came to visit. Thank you sangat korang. Antara yang visit of course lah mak dan ayah mertua. Kakak ipar dan bakal abang ipar. Bakal abang ipar ni kelakar sikit sebab dia bukan from around here. Still trying to learn our customs and what not. Rasanya dia tak sengaja or tak tahu (aku tak sure), after everyone else peluk aku, dia join sekali peluk and said how sorry he is with our loss. Aku plak membatu je sebab tak sempat nak stop him plak dah. Takpela. Nampak dia sedih sebab aku tau dia ni penyayang jugak. (clue: dia suka kucing. okbai). Husband plak takde time dia datang tu because he went out to buy food. Boleh pulak kan aku time duduk hospital macam ni, nak jugak makan doughnut starbucks tu. So husband keluar la pergi beli and help me pack some stuff (change of clothes etc etc from home). Ok, yang boikot starbucks bagai, you have no say in this part. This is a side story altogether. Ko nak ceramah aku, buat time lain.

Antara yang visit plak, budak office lama aku. Dua ekor budak. Sekor tu dah jadi mak budak and sekor lagi tu bujang trang-tang-tang. Mak budak bagi chocolates plak and si bujang tu, aku ckp takyah buat apa, korang datang ni pun dah cukup baik dah.

Sorang lagi, budak yang aku rapat kat office dulu. Sanggup dia datang drive sorang jumpa aku sebab husband dia keje weekend. Itu satu hal, yang aku risau sangat dia datang jumpa aku ni, sebab dia tu tengah memboyot. Pregnant 5-6 bulan kot time tu tapi perut dah besar. I told her jaga diri elok-elok. Jaga makan bagai. We said our goodbyes lepas maghrib sebab aku paksa dia balik. Dah gelap. By the time this entry was written, dia dah give birth dah. Anak lelaki. Syukur alhamdulillah and I'm very happy for her. Cumanya tak pergi lawat dia lagi.

Yang melawat lagi, jiran aku dari kecik dulu. Dua orang. Kakak dengan husband dia, and adik dengan boyfriend dia. Diorang duduk jauh pun datang jugak lawat aku sebab found out from my parents. Haih. Ni yang malas ni nak bagitau orang aku sakit sebab aku rasa bersalah diorang datang jauh-jauh nak lawat aku. But I'm still grateful they did.

Yang melawat lagi, bestfriend husband kat office. Wife dia pun tengah pregnant jugak. Haritu kitorang ada pergi pre-natal class sama-sama. By the time korang baca entry ni, dia pun dah melahirkan anak pompuan. Tengah confinement kat Kedah. So husband dia merajinkan diri lah go fly and visit every weekend.

Ni je antara orang yang tau / sempat melawat aku sebab pregnancy ni aku tak share dengan ramai orang. Sebab ada jugak baca, usually when you're halfway through (lepas je first trimester) barula announce kat orang sebab quite common jugak, you know, things like this happened and you announced it too early then lepas tu announce bad news plak we lost the baby etc etc. So yeah.

Reason orang dapat tau pun:

1. They asked me out and aku tak larat nak keluar, or

2. Alasan #1 diatas dah tak laku and they threaten to come and see me so aku terpaksa bagitahu.

But thanks sangat la untuk yang datang jumpa aku. During the visits tu aku borak macam biasa je dengan diorang. Gelak bagai. Nampak la time masuk and salam tu diorang macam....tak tau nak cakap apa and the mood was sombre semacam. Bila aku dah start gelak tu baru diorang can open up and borak dengan rancaknya.

Monday.

A nurse wheeled me out of my ward towards the specialist clinic. I was never put on a wheelchair so that was an experience altogether. Going through the main hall and seeing how other people look at you. Pelik betul perasaan dia. Rasa helpless sikit. I was third in line to see Dr. A. She referred me to Dr. Idora for further assessment, sent me off and wish me well.

It was when the assessment with Dr. Idora lah yang dia jumpa, that small cyst. I could not remember the exact measurement but it was probably somewhere between 4x2cm? She said since I'm going for the first option, I should just go home and come see her once the POC is out.

We drove back in silence. Jauh jugak rasanya dari KL-Seremban onto MEX and onto Putrajaya exit tu in silence. Husband did not let his hand go and kept it tightly wrapped around mine. Once in a while dia akan kiss my hand. But I still kept to myself. Obviously lah tak tahu nak cakap apa. Kalau dengan orang lain, I can just blab my way out. But with him, with him lah, I am myself. Dengan mengamuk aku, dengan merajuk aku, dengan panas baran aku, dengan cerewet aku, dengan bebelan aku, dia tetap sabar. Dia tetap senyum layan aku. Emo jap.

Sampai je rumah, Jack dah bising-bising depan pintu. Risau agaknya I've been gone for 3 days. Fed him and layan la kerenah dia kejap. Then rasa ngantuk. Naiklah tangga slowly kan. Pastu tertido. Kadang rasa bersyukur sangat husband ni tak banyak kerenah. Pandai je dia uruskan diri dia time aku tengah mcm ni. 

The few days after tu rasa fuzzy jugak. I dont remember much about being awake, what was talked about, what time did I slept, woke up etc etc. Husband tanya, should he take days off and accompany me at home? I said takyah la, bukan buat apa pun. I can manage on my own. So he went back to work. Aku kuatkan kudrat untuk prepare sendiri lunch yang simple-simple. Mummy plak dah kirimkan ubat segala for me untuk start my pantang. Rupanya pantang untuk miscarriage ni sama jugak macam pantang orang bersalin. Mummy and daddy tanya should they come and visit sebab worried. Aku cakap tak payah lah. Susahkan diorang je. (Sebenarnya, to be honest la kan, aku tak reti orang jaga aku. I feel helpless. Sama macam time kena duduk atas wheelchair sedangkan aku boleh je jalan sendiri). Aku lagi suka jaga diri sendiri and I dont like people feeling sorry for me. But dont get me wrong ya, it does felt good to be taken care of once in a while. Cumanya time ni aku macam masih ego plak.

Nak dijadikan cerita pulak, the next weekend, company husband buat family day trip tau pergi Kuantan. Husband cakap tak payah la pergi sebab I should be resting. Bila aku fikir-fikir lagi, hm, pergi je lah. I told him it would be a great getaway. Kebetulan cuti Malaysia Day kan so cam tak boleh nak buat apa sangat pun. So we went. 

We left Jack with my childhood neighbour tadi tu and took off for Kuantan. Aku dengan "berpantangnya", pakaila stoking and baju tebal and what not supaya tak "masuk angin" la kan. Pesan orang tua-tua supaya karang tak meroyan. Okla, ikut la although I could not find any scientific relation to tak pakai stoking will masuk angin. But na'uzubillahiminzalik, tak nak la meroyan / sakit kan. Kata tadi tak nak orang susah jaga. So, yes madam! Saya akan berpantang dengan jayanya.

Leaving the ever so busy city behind and staring at the car's side-mirror, in the back of my mind, whatever that just happened, still felt like a dream. Perhaps I can just chuck / will it away just like all the other memories that I refuse to remember / acknowledge. 

Off we go. On the highway. Moving forward.